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If you have any other historical items of interest for this page, especially pictures, please send them to Terry

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(Final Game on 12 April not included)

		cum fwd	26/01/01	02/02/01	09/02/01	16/02/01	23/02/01	02/03/01		09/03/01	15/03/01	23/03/01	30/03/01	TOTAL	PLAYED	AVERAGE
BONELLE, ANDY		50	23			25				28				126	5	25.20
BREEZE, MARTIN		345		23						25		26	28	447	17	26.29
CLYNES, TERRY		317	26	24	24	26	24			23		23	24	511	21	24.33
EDWARDS, J.TREFOR		417	29	34	28	29	26	31			25	20	19	658	24	27.42
EMBERTON, PAUL		411	23	27	26	29	28	26		29	31	29	41	700	25	28.00
EVANS, PAUL		357	26	36	27	25	28	31		31	29	28	31	649	24	27.04
GRAY, ANDY		243				25	31	24		30	27	28	35	443	16	27.69
HOLE, GRAHAM		269		24	26		29	34		27	25	30	26	490	18	27.22
LEWIS P		0												0	0
MEIGH, NORMAN		27												27	1	27.00
MOORE, DEREK		282		27	38			29			32	26		434	16	27.13
MUSSELL, GARETH		267	27	32	25	37	27	29		25	33		28	530	19	27.89
MYERS, GEOFF		353	29	40	28		21	21		31	25	25	34	607	21	28.90
PHIPPS, JOHN		437	24	27	31	31	29	33		28	28		30	698	24	29.08
SMITH, ALEC		349	23		30	26	32	21		23	24	32	26	586	22	26.64
THOMAS M		317	23	26	34	25	24	28			33	24		534	20	26.70
WOOD, GEOFF		349	31	25	26	29	29	28		28	28	24	28	625	22	28.41
JOHN STEVE		58				21								79	3	26.33
YOUNG MARK		25	22											47	2	23.50
Total Score		4873	306	345	343	328	328	335		328	340	315	350	8191	25	327.64
			H	A	H	A	A	A		H	a	H	H	8191	327.64
Result			W	L	W	L	L	L		L	W	W	W

Averages Sept 2000- March 30 2001

(alphabetically)

Thanks to Geoffrey Myers for organizing a splendid evening.

AT AN EXTRAORDINARY GENERAL MEETING of the Committee on 7 April 2000 the following Resolutions were proposed and passed by majority vote:-

1) That the contribution by each player to the stickers fee (£10) would be £1 for both home and away games.(see below)

2) That fines would be 10p per miss

3) That the question of funding the annual dinner by regular contributions would be left in abeyance for the time being.

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Final Full league Table 30 April 2005

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Amusing items previously on the Humour Page

Tommy's Jokes

Two old men playing golf. They are standing on the tee when a funeral
passes on the nearby road. One of the golfers takes his cap off, replacing
it when the procession has passed.

"That was a nice show of respect"

"Well, she'd been a good wife all these years"

-----------------------------------------------------------
Me and the wife were up in the attick th other day
- Dirty, Smelly, Full of cobwebs,

But she's good to the kids !

-----------------------------------------------------------
Two Aerials met on a roof, fell in love, & got married. The ceremony was
rubbish but the reception was brilliant.

-----------------------------------------------------------
Two cannibals were eating a clown. One says to the other: 'Does this taste
funny to you?'

------------------------------------------------------------
Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says
'I'll give you some cream to put on it.'

------------------------------------------------------------
'Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home.'

'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.'

'Is it common?'

'It's not unusual.'

------------------------------------------------------------
Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy said to Dolly

'I was artificially inseminated this morning.'

'I don't believe you,' said Dolly

'It's true, straight up, no bull!'

-----------------------------------------------------------
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film for shorts. The
shrink says, 'Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.'

------------------------------------------------------------
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. 'My dog's cross-eyed, is there
anything you can do for him?'

'Well,' says the vet, 'let's have a look at him.' So he picks the dog up
and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says 'I'm going
to have to put him down.'

'What? Because he's cross-eyed?'

'No, because he's bloody heavy.'

-----------------------------------------------------------
A neutron walks into a bar.
'I'd like a beer' he says.

The bartender promptly serves up a beer.

'How much will that be?' asks the neutron.

'For you?' replies the bartender, 'no charge.'

------------------------------------------------------------
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.

One says, 'I think I've lost an electron.'

The other says 'Are you sure?'

The first says, 'Yes, I'm positive...'

------------------------------------------------------------
Guy goes into the doctor's.

'Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my arse'

'How's that?'

'Don't you start'

------------------------------------------------------------
'Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's.'

'Well you can't say fairer than that then.'

------------------------------------------------------------
What's got 4 legs and an arm ?

A happy Rottweiler !!

------------------------------------------------------------
Two elephants walk off a cliff...... boom boom!

------------------------------------------------------------
What's brown and sounds like a bell?

DUNG

------------------------------------------------------------
What do you use a wombat for?

For playing wom!

------------------------------------------------------------
What Ticks on the wall?

Ticky Paper

------------------------------------------------------------
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the
other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one
off.

------------------------------------------------------------
So I went to the dentist. He said 'Say Aaah.'

I said 'Why?'

He said 'My dog's died."

------------------------------------------------------------
So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said

'Who's speaking please?'

And a voice said 'You are.'

For those of you who are still in gainful employment no doubt you are still striving to impress your customers with a firm command of the English Language and to help you in you day to day correspondence here are some useful tips (if you have any more post them on the message board):-

1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's
highly superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Don't use no double negatives.
17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be ignored.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words
however should be enclosed in commas.
22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
23. DO NOT use exclamation points and all caps to emphasize!!!
24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
25. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth
shaking ideas.
26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not
needed.
27. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate
quotations. Tell me what you know."
28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist
hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
31. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
32. Who needs rhetorical questions?
33. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
34. The passive voice should never be used.
36. Do not put statements in the negative form.
37. Verbs have to agree with their subjects.
38. A writer must not shift your point of view.
39. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences of
10 or more words, to their antecedents.
40. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
41. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
42. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.
43. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
44. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular
nouns in their writing.
45. Always pick on the correct idiom.
46. The adverb always follows the verb.
47. Be careful to use the rite homonym.
And Finally...
47. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do
such a thing is please not to read notis.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that
you will be unbearable.

In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter lift backwards, and only when lit up.

In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter
more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is
then going alphabetically by national order.

In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and
11 A.M. daily.

In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from Russian Orthodox monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet
composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
Not to perambulate the corriders during the hours of repose in the boots of
ascension.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the
form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the
country people's fashion.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

In a Bangkok dry cleaners:
Drop your trousers here for best results.

Outside a Paris dress shop:
Dresses for street walking.

In a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in
strict rotation.

From the Soviet Weekly:
There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 150,000 Soviet Republic
painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of
different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless
they are married with each other for that purpose.

In a Zurich hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the
bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?

In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today -- no ice cream.

In a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.

In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:

We take your bags and send them in all directions.

On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

In a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to
the guard on duty.

In the office of a Roman doctor:
Specialist in women and other diseases.

In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

In a Tokyo shop:
Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long
run.

From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please
control yourself.

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him
melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him
with vigor.

Two signs from a Moroccan shop entrance:
- English well speaking
- Here speeching American.