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Message from Captain 22/3/04

Minutes of Meeting held 22 March 2002

Proposed that we apply to play home games next season at the Victory

Carried unanimously.

Proposed that Mr Edwards be re-elcted Captain -

unopposed,

From this date, the correct terminology will be: "Euronating".

Improved site navigation: Several anchor points have been added so you can click an internal link (and bottom left window) and go straight to the place on a particular page. Any other suggestions for improvement?

If you did not get e-mail notification of the cancellation of the any match but would like to be added to the mailing list please check your details on the contacts page or e-mail Terry

In the unlikely event of downtime by our webhost Alkazar.net there is now a mirror site at http://www.fortunecity.co.uk/amusement/pool/209/ so you may wish to visit and copy this address to your Favourites.

(to advertise your events here e-mail Terry)

1. How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

2. Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

3. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me."

4. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

5. All wives are alike. They just have different faces so you can tell them apart.

6. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt her.

7. What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced.

8. Bigamy is having one wife too many. Many say monogamy is the same.

9. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive
by 90%. It is called Wedding Cake.

10. Marriage is a 3 ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring,
Suffering.

11. Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?" I
said,"Dust!"

12. In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created
Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man
has rested.

13. Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two Mothers-in-law.

14. Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a
man
doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: That happens in every
country, son.

15. A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: "Wife Wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can
have mine."

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her
and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a
gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and
pointing at you says, "He's fantastic in bed."
That's Advertising.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her
and get her telephone number. The next day you call
and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Telemarketing.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up
and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour
her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her
bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then
say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks
up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed."
That's Brand Recognition

Try the Competitions page - don't miss out on the fabulous prize below :-)))

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PSYCHIC PSMITH of the ST

AQUARIUS 22 January-19 February Another Aquarian phase almost over for the year. And what a spectacular one it was, even allowing for the exploding boiler and that accident involving a pet and a crochet hook. But time moves on, and so must you.

PISCES 20 February-20 March Last call for the hand-crafted Psychic Psmith chart for 2001 -personal to you. Was £17,650- now just £16,999, plus post and packing. Hurry while inspiration lasts!

ARIES 21 March-2O April Mercury attempts to reverse into a really small space in Capricorn this week, and ends up scraping the paintwork. He should have used his wing mirrors, and so should you.

TAURUS 21 April-21 May 'Are you a lover or a fighter?' asked Observer stars man Neil 'Clever Chops' Spencer under Taurus recently. Come on, Clever Chops: get off the fence and earn your money! Either that or walk away. What's it to be?

GEMINI 22 May-21 June Mercury's bi-cuspal presence in highly sexed Leo indicates that a darned good pork pie from Nicholsons of Nelson, Lancashire, would go down well this week.

~ CANCER 22 June-22 JulyYou could find fulfilment this week in an organically grown courgette. But you should avoid contact with haddock. Don't ask me why; I'm just doing my job.
LEO 23 july-23 August Embarrassment this afternoon when you are sick in your grandmother's lap. But you win her round with a smile and a giggle. (Psychic Psmith: because babies need the stars, too.)

VIRGO 24 August-23 September With Neptune in Scorpio. your lucky mobile phone ringing tone this week is the theme from The Fllntstones. And not 'New York, New York'. Change it or face the consequences.

LIBRA 24 September-23 October Your dotcom start-up is in big trouble on Wednesday when one of your two computers breaks down. But the suppliers reckon they can have the part by mid-March.

SCORPIO 24 October-22 November Tuesday's phone call from the council will finally clear up that query over the removal of garden rubbish. But that aside, this is not going to be a terrifically exciting week.

SAGITTARIUS 23 November-21 December Only Psychic Psmith predicted that theBBC would successfuLly bid for the rights to the next Lennox Lewis fight. Shelley vonStrunckel is a sweetie, but she missed it, and Cainer was out of the room as ever.

CAPRICORN 22 December-21 January Correction: owing to a typographical error, my recent prediction that you would witness 'a highly unusual month' appeared as 'a highly unusual moth'. Apologies to alL especially disappointed butterfly collectors.

Thought for the week : Who was the first person to milk a cow - and what on earth did he think he was doing??

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Photo competition is back but has moved to the Competitions page

Some of our readers are already looking bemused

What do you think of it so far, Bill? Click Bill to listen to what others think of Windows 98 (150kb zipped)

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Calling all Skywatchers : Can you see the International Space Station from your back yard? -Yes you can if you look in the right place - it's travelling at 17000 mph and crosses the sky in 1-3 minutes. Seen from downtown Clehonger 17.41: 27 Dec 2000!!

Click here to check whether you can see it today

updated for September to December 2002

or Click this link for detailed information and then download the Skywatch applet